There I was, standing in my kitchen, packing the last of my apples and nectarines into little sandwich bags—fruit snacks for the road. I had a flight to catch; Europe on the horizon, and the anticipation of reconnecting with family, meeting new friends, and giving a presentation at a conference. It was going to be another adventure, another chance to capture the moments that shape my life. But as I stood there, looking at the last empty shelf in my refrigerator, I thought, “You’re so like your mother!”
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Why was I so like my mother? Because it was just five days after my last trip, and I had once again precisely portioned out my meals, clearing the fridge, making sure nothing would go to waste while I was gone. My mother had that same knack for practical planning, and in that moment, I was her—organized, forward-thinking, leaving nothing behind but a clean slate.
Then, as I zipped up that last bag, I heard myself say aloud, “You’re amazing!” A simple declaration. But in that moment, it was more than just words. It was an affirmation of everything I had worked for, everything I’ve overcome. I was immediately transported back in time, to when those words—“you’re amazing”—had empowered me through some of life’s hardest challenges.
The Power of Self-Talk: You Shape Your Reality
Those words—"You’re amazing!"—aren’t just casual compliments. They are lifelines, markers of self-worth. Shad Helmstetter, PhD, in his groundbreaking work on self-talk, explains that the way we speak to ourselves directly impacts our thoughts, actions, and ultimately, our lives. He says, “You are everything that is your thoughts, your mind, your conscious thoughts, and your unconscious thoughts. What you think, you become.”
What we tell ourselves matters. When I was younger, facing bias and prejudice, those words, "you’re amazing," became my shield. I wrote them on index cards, jotted them in notebooks, and repeated them like a mantra until I not only believed them but lived them. Helmstetter describes this process as “rewiring” the brain, using positive affirmations to replace negative thoughts that hold us back.
The American Psychological Association (APA) agrees, recommending self-affirmation techniques as an essential part of mental well-being. Studies show that practicing self-affirmation boosts confidence and reduces stress, allowing us to face challenges with resilience and optimism. In my own journey, I used these affirmations not just to survive but to thrive, to become an unequivocal example of someone who is—indeed—amazing; if not to all, at least to many.
Music to My Ears: "Amazing"
As I reflected on my self-talk that day, I couldn't help but think of Luther Vandross' song “Amazing.”
"It's so amazing to be loved. I'd follow you to the moon in the sky above."
Vandross captures that sense of amazement not just in romantic love, but in the love we give ourselves. That kind of self-love, the one where we remind ourselves of our value and our worth, is essential. It’s the type of love that says, "I am enough, I am capable, and I am deserving of every good thing that comes my way." When I told myself I was amazing, I wasn’t just echoing Vandross—I was standing in my truth, reaffirming my value in the universe.
You’re Amazing, Too
Here’s the truth: you are amazing, too. The world can sometimes seem designed to make us doubt ourselves. We see perfectly curated lives on social media, hear stories of success that seem out of reach, and we’re bombarded by messages of what we should be. But the truth is, we are enough as we are.
Psychologists and researchers agree: self-affirmation is more than just feel-good rhetoric. It has tangible benefits. According to the APA, self-affirmations improve problem-solving under stress, enhance academic performance, and even lead to better physical health outcomes. Neuroscience shows that repeating positive self-talk physically alters the brain’s neural pathways, creating new connections that make positive thoughts more habitual. When I was battling through those earlier challenges, affirming my “amazingness” wasn’t just emotional—it was scientific.
Oprah Winfrey often speaks about the importance of this kind of self-love, echoing what so many have discovered: "You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe." And this belief isn’t something that comes from external validation or fleeting accomplishments; it comes from within.
Amazing Practices for Every Day
If you haven’t been kind to yourself lately, if you’ve forgotten to acknowledge your own worth, start today.
Speak to yourself with kindness: Helmstetter emphasizes the power of speaking kindly to yourself. Catch those negative thoughts and replace them with affirmations that affirm your value.
Celebrate your small victories: Just like packing the last piece of fruit before a trip, those small wins count. Recognize them.
Be present in your journey: We’re often so focused on the destination that we forget the value of the present. Mindfulness practices, recommended by the APA, can help us stay grounded and appreciate the process.
Listen to music that lifts you up: Whether it’s Luther Vandross’ “Amazing” or another favorite, let music be a reminder of your own inner strength and beauty.
You’re Simply Amazing
So, next time you’re packing a bag, finishing a project, or just going about your day, take a moment to affirm yourself. Tell yourself you’re amazing. It doesn't suggest egotism or arrogance; it recognizes the divine spark within you that makes you you.
Remember what Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” And if you ever doubt it, just think of Luther Vandross' lyrics: "It’s so amazing..." because, really, you are.
Trained as an economist, Renwick Brutus emigrated to the United States as a young man, earned his MBA at Fordham University and spent the following decade working on Wall Street where he was widely acknowledged for his contributions in the financial services industry. Now operating between Michigan, Florida and Hawaii, Renwick owns multiple companies, consults with an impressive list of client organizations, utilizing a unique blend of business strategy and wisdom to help individuals prosper and companies grow. You may reach him here.
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